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2014_01_20 M2C_ControlThis is my second time reading this book from start to finish, though I reference it and my notes on it often for most of my spiritual journeys. The words poured out over these pages are just so chalked full of the practicality I need to get up and get going on something, especially when it’s something difficult.  When I first read it though, this journey was all about food for me. My food cravings were out of control and I needed a healthier lifestyle…one that I could actually maintain.

I discovered that control, but them it was shattered!

Everything went wonderfully and I was on the right track and had actually grown to enjoy it. Then my life was turned upside down. My car was no longer drivable and getting back and forth to the grocery store with rides was getting more and more difficult and nerve wrecking. Once again I was obsessed with food, except now it was just how to get it on the table. So I began ordering my groceries online, something I still do to this day. It gave me immense peace to have that issue settled, to finally be able to get groceries in the house with pulling my hair out.

Only one problem, I can only get a small variety of frozen fruits and veggies delivered, meaning  no fresh greens at all, and the eating plan that works for me is very much along the lines of the one Lysa mentions in the book. So I quit. I gave up. I yielded, threw in the towel, and quite honestly got mad. I had been through what Lysa described, crying through the cravings and praying through the pain, and by the Grace of God I had won! Yet He allowed this knowing that I would not be able to maintain that new way of eating. So I gave back in to many of my old habits, the most dangerous being eating pasta, and returned to my old familiar defeated state.

Turns out, control is my problem!

Recently though I was charged with the rededication my body as the temple of Ruach HaKodesh {The Holy Spirit} and of course my weight came back to the surface. I am now heavier than I have ever been, including when I was 9 months pregnant with my third child, weighing in at 307 pounds. Even with that staring me in the face though, I still had no idea what I was supposed to do about it. After all, my grocery situation hasn’t changed. I prayed and waited, waited and prayed, and finally it hit me like a ton of bricks! My issues were not with food. My issues manifested in food, but they manifested in other things too. My issue is that I want what I want, the way I want it, when I want it. My issue is control.

I had to get brutally honest with myself and lay out all the areas that control were taking over my life…food, desire for like-minded spiritual fellowship, desire for marriage, parenting, how I spend my time, and believe me the list continues. But I can hear Yeshua clearly in my ear plainly saying, “I want you to give up the one thing you crave more than me. Then come follow me.” {M2C, p.15} He’s asking me to give up the one thing that stands at the root of all my problems…the need for control.

See that is why I have continued to fail over the course of my numerous journeys with food. I take my obsession for food and channel it from unhealthy food to healthy ones. The weight falls off and everything is going great until something happens. Then I am right back in the unhealthy choices, or at least those that are not beneficial for me, because the obsession was never conquered it was only sifted. I come up with plans that dictate what I will eat and when, how I will exercise and when, and fail to deal with the fixations on weight and food, the control that fuels it all. My changes become temporary because my plan was incomplete.

I have to learn to yield ALL control to HIM!

Well this time there is a different plan. This time the goal is purely to rededicate my body as a temple. Nothing goes into it unless it serves a purpose toward that rededication and its general maintenance. I am furthering my study of food from a Biblical perspective, studying the Temple itself, and looking into the ways it has been rededicated over the years. With each new discovery, I pray over what I have found and how that applies to this temple, implementing it as Ruach {Spirit} leads. I am fighting this raging battle in prayer and tackling my various issues in every way that He reveals to me along the way. I know that this will not be a quick battle, but I also know that He brought me down this path for a reason and I intend to glean all the wisdom from it that I can, so that I may be equipped for what lies in the next chapter of His plan for this life I live. So no matter what it takes or how long it takes, this temple will be gleamingly clean and ready for sacrifice and service in every way!

I pray each of you takes a moment to look at your temple and evaluate if anything needs rededicating, undertaking the goal of cleaning whatever it may be. We are called to a great service and that service requires we be at our, no matter what they may look like or entail. Let courage and trust guide you boldly down the path He has for you and, with His help, may we all come to thrive along this journey to surrender! Shalom!~

Surrendered to Him~
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{Be sure to check out all the Made to Crave reflections,  as well as the other book studies and reflections!}

In what areas or ways is the need for control taking negatively impacting your life?

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