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2014_06_16 L2L_Rude

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
{1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV, emphasis added}

Being rude is one trait that has always seemed quite subjective to me. What is and is not considered to be rude depends on one’s background, culture, beliefs, and more. This means that adhering to this particular definition of love requires taking time to get to know your children and others that you come in contact with to learn their definition of rude so that you can adhere to that to the best of your ability.

What does it mean to be rude?

According to Thayer’s, the Greek word rendered as rude here means “to act unbecomingly.”
Webster’s defines arrogant as “not having or showing concern or respect for the rights and feelings of other people; not polite; being in a rough or unfinished state; lacking refinement or delicacy; marked by or suggestive of lack of training or skill.”

When I look at those together I realize that acting unbecomingly is a result a lack of training, teaching, and refinement. Those are all things that one gets from spending time in the Word and following the promptings and teachings of Ruach HaKodesh {the Holy Spirit}. He is the one who teaches all things and brings to remembrance all that I need to know in a situation. He is the Peace left to me by Yeshua that I might be confident and fearless {John 14:26-27}. He can and will also teach us how to act becomingly according to the needs of those we love.

The silent danger of being rude

While most of us are not deliberately rude, especially not to those that we love and interact with regularly, that is usually defined by our own definitions of what it means to be rude. That approach leaves us vulnerable to being rude to others in ways we had not considered. In order to prevent that we must stay open to receive criticism, be willing to hear the hearts of those around us, and keep our eyes open to the unspoken languages that tell us something was not received well.

It is in becoming more open to the needs and desires of our children, as well as learning how they process who we are and our actions, that teach us some of the most profound lessons on how to love them the way they need to be loved. As parents it is very easy to expect them to adapt to us, but there is just as much of a need for us to do some adapting to them as well. After all we are preparing them for a life lived reliant only on Yeshua and that takes a strong foundation in who they are in Him, starting with knowing what is beneficial for them emotionally.

Ways to assess if your actions are being perceived as rude

The best way to learn whether or not your behavior is being perceived as rude by your children or others in your life is to ask them. This is not always an option though. Many times they don’t have the skills to express what it is that they are going through or have gotten so used to it coming from us that they have learned to ignore how they feel about it. In those cases it takes a bit of detective work to learn about those issues.

1. Spend time watching your children. Learn what their body language and such is like when they are relaxed, amused, aggravated, hurt, etc. Sometimes it the smallest change that lets you know they have become uncomfortable with something.

2. Casually discuss certain actions in real time. In the midst of something that you suspect they may not be receiving well, ask them how they are feeling in that moment, making sure they know they have the grace to freely express themselves. The emotions and reactions are fresh in the moment and you are more likely to get the raw truth.

3. Take note of how they behave towards others. We have been taught to treat people the way we want to be treated instead of the way they want to be treated and many kids do it on reflex. You can learn a great deal about how someone wants to be treated by the way they behave towards others.

4. Make a list of the things that you find rude. Then evaluate your behavior to see if any of those things have found their way into your behavior.

It is a process, but learning to be conscious and intentional about it helps us to grow into better parents and better people each and every day.

I pray you perseverance and determination beloved! Shalom!~

Surrendered to Him~

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{Be sure to check out the entire #Learning2Love series!}

Have you learned of any behaviors that others perceived as rude?

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