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2014_07_07 L2L_Resentful

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
{1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV, emphasis added}

For many single moms, the temptation to fall into being resentful is great. It stands as an abrasive opposition to the progress that they are trying to make and constantly rubs raw old wounds, not allowing healing to take place. Of course single moms have not cornered the market on resentment though. The truth is that the longer the list of things you believe you are lacking or being deprived of, the more opportunities resentment has to tempt you.

What does it mean to be resentful?

According to Thayer’s, the Greek words rendered as resentful here mean “to reckon, count, compute, calculate, or count over in a troublesome, injurious, pernicious, destructive, baneful, or bad manner”.
Webster’s defines resentful as “full of a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury”.

Being resentful means that you are keeping score. You have a list somewhere of all the wrong that has been done to you, who did it, and likely the punishment you think they should receive because of it. That is a dangerous place to live in spiritually, especially when you begin to consider that, out of the mouth of Yeshua Himself, we are forgiven according to the way we forgive {Matthew 6:14-15}.

How does being resentful affect parenting?

Even if we do not hold any resentful feelings toward our children, our resentful tendencies can affect them in countless ways. This is especially true if that resentment is aimed at their fathers. Over time, it WILL overflow out onto the children and that must be avoided at all costs! Even if we do not hold resentment towards anyone associated with them, we are still teaching them negative relationship habits.

In addition, keeping score can very easily become a habit that carries over into parenting. Even if not done from a resentful standpoint this is not a productive habit for us to have. We place our children in a position where they cannot win, where they are always overcoming their past mistakes, and we condition them against being able to understand and accept God’s Grace. We therefore need to be very careful about letting resentment and score keeping of any kind enter into our homes.

Dissipating resentment

The answer is ever so simple, and yet ever so not all at the same time. The solution to eradicating the practice of being resentful is to replace it with the practice of forgiving. Forgiveness is an intentional act that takes practice and a plan for completion. While each situation is different, here are a few that I have found that can help in the area of being resentful.

1. Be honest in the moment. Even if you are not in a position where it is beneficial to be honest with the other person in the moment, you must be honest with yourself and with the Father. Take a few moments to write out how you feel and what you are tempted to be resentful about.

2. Look objectively at the situation. Why are you resentful in that moment? What does the Word have to say about that situation? Is there some envy involved in this as well? How can you find peace and contentment in this moment and accept it for what it is? Write this out as well.

3. Hand it to God. Speak forgiveness over the situation and be specific. Tell what you are forgiving and why you are forgiving it. Ask God to heal your heart and teach you the path to overcoming that moment. Tell Him that you are giving it all over to Him. It may even help to associate a physical act with this, such a burning the paper you wrote all this out on or writing the event on a rock and throwing it in a pond. The point is to release it, right then and there.

I pray healing and forgiveness over each of you beloved! Shalom!~

Surrendered to Him~
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{Be sure to check out the entire #Learning2Love series!}

 

What are some of dangers you’ve learned about being resentful?

 

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