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2014_01_12 Anger

Through all that we go through, all that we do, all that we face, it is far too easy for single mothers, or at least those who never has the desire to be a single mother, to fall into a pattern of anger and blame. It is a natural response to the feelings of being abandoned, of crumbling under a weight that is far too heavy for your shoulders to bear. There is no shortage of talk about forgiveness and the power that it carries. You can find a multitude of sources that will give you all the stats of how much forgiveness is for you and not for the other person, on how you need to do this for yourself. You even can find sources that will take you through taking responsibility for the part you played in the situation and how to grow past those negative habits. And all those sources are absolutely right. These are all things that need to be done.

For me however, it was not enough. I could own up to my part and grow. I could forgive those particular men for their specific act or lack of action. I could forgive the patriarchs of the church for not teaching the Word as it is written, for not training in the Titus 2 fashion, for buckling and tucking tail under the pressure of feminism, and even for not helping to clean up the mess when it became clear that things had gone terribly wrong. But the anger itself never moved, never budged. It simply was no longer directed at anyone. My forgiveness, in effect, left my anger without a place to rest. So it just sat in me, eating at me, pouring out into everything whether I wanted it to or not.

Then one day during one of those Spirit led journeys through the Word I read, really read, 1Timothy 5:8:

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

Worse than an unbeliever is what He said! I was stunned by that blow, but the trip wasn’t over.

The next stop was Exodus 22:22-24:

Do not take advantage of the widow or the fatherless. If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.

My Abba, my Daddy, said…“I will kill you with the sword” if you take advantage of the fatherless, the abandoned, the forsaken. A quick glance into Revelation 19:15 made it clear the Sword He was talking about.

For the first time in a decade and a half, I wasn’t angry. I could see clearly, think clearly. God’s anger was so all-consuming that it left no room for mine. I began to think about His anger, about what the things God does when He’s angry, about the care and attention that Yeshua paid to women and children while He was in the earth…and I was filled with pity. I was afraid for the ones who fell into the categories I was reading about. The tears began to flow down my face as I cried out to God on their behalf. Yes, I prayed for them! I prayed with passion. I prayed with urgency. I prayed with love. I prayed because I knew that my little ole anger never actually wanted to hurt anyone, it just wanted things to change. But this anger, God’s anger, the anger I was reading about…this was so much more!

That’s the part too often left out about the forgiveness journey. There comes a point where you realize the pain they caused you spelled out their doom…not yours. It is in that realization that you can see past your own pain into your duty as a fisher of men. This is our service as believers…to pray for those who mistreat us. {Luke 6: 27-28} This is how we are to distinguish ourselves from the unbeliever. This is how we acknowledge we are His!

That day the Spirit led me into the gift of healing. Wounds that had been lying open for so long, were instantly whole. Gaping holes in my spirit were filled with His Love. My dear single sisters, and anyone else who has angry lingering around, the kind of anger that outlives mere human forgiveness…I urge you seek out how HE feels about what happened. Look for how HE responds to that kind of situation. And then pray! Stand in the gap for those who have done you wrong, advocate for them, knowing that whatever was done to you, no matter how horrible it was, will pale in comparison to what will be done to them if they don’t repent and turn to His ways! Find your healing through compassion and mercy for those whose eternal plight is far worse than your earthly one will ever be. Find peace in learning to love past the pain with Him leading you every step of the way.

I pray you healing and rest for your soul beloved! Shalom!~

Surrendered to Him~

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