In My Head: “I wouldn’t have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way!”
For years and years I have listened to people talk about delegating tasks and how much easier it makes things. I quite honestly thought that was one of the most ridiculous things I’d ever heard in my life. I mean what kind of super responsible, ultra capable people did they have in their lives that this seemed like such a reasonable suggestion? More importantly, why didn’t I have any of these people in my life?????
I didn’t really think what I was asking was too hard…do what I ask you to do, the way I ask you to do it, and when I ask you to do it. What could be simpler? Somehow though, it never really went that way. So after trying and trying to get people to do things the right way over the years, I resolved to just do it all myself. I mean that’s the motto right…“If you want something done right, do it yourself”…or the other favorite, “If something needs to be done then it’s yours to do.”
Soon, I realized I was good at it and it became even harder to even consider letting anyone else do anything that I could actually do myself. I would try every once and awhile, but those experiences would only confirm what I already knew to be true. Other people just weren’t going to do it right. They simply didn’t care the way I did. Yes, that was it! I cared more about it, that’s why I did a better job! So I kept going and all it cost me was my peace, my ability to relax, my femininity, and my sanity. No real problem there, right?
It didn’t take long to realize that for a woman who believes firmly in deep submission, complete surrender, and the softness of femininity, I have some serious control issues! I’m not even sure if the term perfectionist quite covers the depths of what I’m attempting to convey. I was at my wits end and had no idea what to do about any of it.
My Conscious Choice: “I will be more giving with my knowledge and my trust with others as He has been with me.”
One day in the midst of my overwhelmed state, I asked God what I was supposed to do with all this weight on my shoulders. I asked Him why would He put all this weight on me and not give me the help I needed to get the work done. He told me, “I didn’t put all that on you…and you have help.” I was floored! “Daddy, how could you say that to me?!?”
Well to make a long story short, HE WAS RIGHT! I know, SHOCKER! I was overwhelmed because I was playing the martyr in life. “Oh, woe is me, look at all the stuff I have to do in a day.” “You think that’s bad, look at what my ‘to-do list’ looks like and I’m all alone.” If you listen closely as you’re reading those, you can hear the faint sounds of the violins playing in the background!
I mean most of the “weight” on my shoulders was things that weren’t even my job to begin with. I just didn’t like the way other people did it, so I took it on as my responsibility. A good portion of the rest could actually be delegated to someone else if I could just accept that everything didn’t have to meet my standards of perfection. And while I am for all intents and purposes “alone”, God sends all kinds of people across my path that could do this, that, or the other, if I would: 1. Let people know something needs to be done, 2. Accept the help that is given, in the manner it is given, and 3. Crossed it off my to-do list when they were done instead of feeling like I still had to go back over it and fix it.
In the midst of these revelations, all of the things that God had asked me to do that He have most certainly have done better Himself came to me. I feel pretty confident in saying that I messed every last one of them up at least one time and at my best I am nowhere near as capable as He is. This revelation brought with it a serious question. Then why did He ask me to do it? A myriad of answers flowed forth: so I could learn His way, so I could grow closer to Him in the process, so I could teach others, so I could grow, so I could build confidence in my ability…and the list kept going in that direction. What struck me most is that the task itself was never once part of the reason. What He asked me to do wasn’t nearly as important to Him as the process I allowed Him to take me through to get it done, the enrichment I received from doing it, and how my new knowledge was able to bless those I came in contact with along the way.
In that moment I considered, for the first time, maybe all those people who were suggesting delegating tasks didn’t just have super responsible, ultra capable people dropped in their lives. Maybe they took the time to teach those around them what was important to them, to nurture and prune the relationships in their lives so that healthy, strong ones grew, and gave people a chance to grow and learn. They gave the people around them a chance to thrive and prove themselves and to in turn be a blessing to others.
This is one of those things that boiled down to trust for me. It is very difficult to entrust a task to someone you don’t trust. It gets exponentially easier though when you trust Him. Which made me wonder, who was I expressing my lack of trust in by insisting that I do everything myself…the person or God? I mean if I trust God then, beyond the basics, my level of deeper trust in that person shouldn’t matter nearly as much. If I trust that God can do it, then what would stop me…unless I didn’t trust my relationship with Him. What if I wasn’t hearing Him correctly or what if He wouldn’t do it for me? Well, there was one way to settle that query, try and see!
So I began to step back and loose the reigns of control in my life and beautiful things started to happen. I learned new things about my children. I found sources of support I didn’t know I had. I learned new things about those I thought I could depend on most that saved me a great deal of heartache and pain. In other words, I found a new lease on life. I’m not saying it’s easy, but Daddy will guide you through. Take baby steps, striving to do better every day. Forgive yourself when you slip, as He forgives us when we ask. And let the Holy Spirit show you a new level of trust on which you can soar to new heights you never dreamed of. It will be a journey well worth it! Be blessed!
Surrendered to Him~
Do you have any troubles delegating tasks? What are some things that have helped you get through it? Share your stories here or send me a message on Facebook! I would be thrilled to hear from you!~
This post is also linked up on Titus 2days! Come on over and join the party!